my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
