WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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