my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
