Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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