I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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