Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
