Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
