this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
