Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
