Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
