it wasn't lemon gatorade
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
