The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
