Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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