you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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