..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
