i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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