its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
