I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
