I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
