I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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