My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize