Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
