Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
