The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We have started to decorate penises.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
