Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
