dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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