I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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