There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize