I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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