Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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