apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
