walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
