i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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