I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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