Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
