garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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