420 ftw
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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