just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
