My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
