On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
