He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
