I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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