I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
