careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize