a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
