So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
