I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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