There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
