they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
