if i can run in heels then i can drive
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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