My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
