I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
