You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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