hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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