Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
