we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
