Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
tell me about the fingering
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