ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize