Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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