I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
