just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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