That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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