feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
