At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm determined to sit on that face.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
